Two people were killed, and 20 more injured in an accident on Interstate 790 this morning at 6:45 a.m. According to the Police Department’s preliminary reports, two tractors were heading Northbound when their trailers collided, one of which being a diesel fuel tank. Sergeant Albert Wei of the Police Department stated, “It was very lucky that it didn’t roll over, dump any fuel, or catch fire.”However, it quickly turned into a chain reaction when 16 more cars became involved. Fire chief Tony Sullivan said when he arrived on scene; it was the worst he’d seen in the 18 years he’s been with the fire department. “It looked more like a war zone,” he stated, “there were bodies lying in the road…emergency workers running from place to place trying to help the injured, and sirens wailed as more fire trucks and ambulances were called.” Sullivan said his firefighters had to cut off the roofs of several people’s cars to free those trapped inside. Police officers had a difficult time indentifying which people were the drivers or the passengers from their vehicles, said Wei. Of the 20 injured, four were in life-threatening condition and two were immediately flown 50 miles away to the Trauma Center in Statesville.
Sgt. Wei has announced that the entire highway is closed, both north and south. Instead drivers are being directed to Interstate 690 around the East side of the city, where traffic has been backed up for three hours. “I have no idea when it will be open again.” Wei shared.
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I like your lead, also your headline caught my attention. It is recommended not to put "morning" when you already have a.m. listed. Even with that, your story looks great and well thought out.
ReplyDeleteI like how you organized this, though I think hitting the "enter" key more would benefit the flow and ease of reading. Great job!
ReplyDeleteGood job. Your language flowed well and was easy to read. I also feel you did well highlighting the most important and unique aspects of the story.
ReplyDeleteNice work on story one, I thought you highlighted a lot of the information well. Although, I do agree that breaking up the paragraph will definitely make for an easier read.
ReplyDeleteYou did a really good job transitioning from topic to topic. It made it flow really nicely and was easy to read. Good job!
ReplyDeleteI like your lead that included the most important facts to the reader. I do think you should have broken it up into more paragraphs. Your ending was pretty good.
ReplyDeleteI had a hard time telling where your lead ended and your secound paragraph began. Now I am thinking I may have made the same boo boo. To bad I can't fix it now. Bummer.
ReplyDeleteYes, that seems to be a common complaint. I guess while typing in blogger, I don't realize the separation of paragraphs as much! oops. Same here, I want to fix it lol.
ReplyDeleteYou probably don't want another comment about this, but I do think paragraphs are easier to read when they are split up into smaller sections. In sentence two, you say that the two trailers collided. I think the trailers are actually what are being pulled by the tractors, so they couldn't collide without their cabs colliding as well.
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